A batch of brownies

I have about 3 blog post that I was working on and had full intentions of getting them up.. until my computer died and lost the files- fail... I could only laugh at this realization, because thats how this past week has felt...full of intentions... but a tiny little fail trailing behind.

The daily emotions that a peace corps volunteer goes through ( myself included) are inexplicable...sometimes I go to call a friend and I am even speechless. Like I know whats going on but I can't explain how or why I am actually feeling they way I am or what series of events got me to that place. Usually it starts with a plan that is interrupted by some paraguayan plan that I was unaware of and so on.. the little failures begin. Now I know my successes and I normal just blog about them to save you from my rants...but drum roll... lets be real and even people in america are not happy and successful all the time and they have washing machines, chick- fil-a, reality TV and heated homes... so the struggle is real down here and I just wanna share a bit of it with you, how lucky are you!

Some days I have no problem with paraguayans and want to voluntarily spend all my time and energy with them. But then there are days like today where I almost scream or hysterically cry because I just can't do it and don't want to try any more. Yes, these are great, loving and inviting people but there are times where I in my own skin need a break. I need my bed, I need a hot shower and I need a batch of brownies...and I need to be reminded of where I came from.

It is really easy to get caught up in paraguayan culture, forget your own and jump on the paraguayan train.. abandon all regards to sanity, order and basic needs..this only goes on for a bit till it catches up to you and you least expect it. Like today when I was at a little girls birthday party and something inside of me was calling me to run, abandon ship and flee. Now this makes me instantly feel like a horrible person, hate myself  and overflow with guilt of the horrible social crime I have just committed on an innocent 8 year old. But then I remember truth.

And the truth here is that I am different, I do not come from the same place they do, I do not speak there language like they do, I look different and I act differently and I feel differently. And as much as I try and adopt and adjust myself to be more culturally friendly and Paraguayan- I'm not. So the truth is I don't have to also be where they are, speak like them, behave like them and do life with them all the time. I can feel differently, say no and take a break. We all need breaks from the day to day and down here the day to day wears on me unlike any other.

And so as much as I love these people, this country and the life I am living --today was a break day. Today was my check for reality, my step away, head home and make some brownies day. Because a batch of brownies saved me today and it calmed my soul, gave me a break and reminded me of the truth we as peace corps volunteers are reminded everyday as we strive to be more like our host country natives.

Disclaimer: I am only human. These days happen and sometimes more then you'd like. And I have a lot of intentions but I fail a lot and I try a lot and in the mix of it all each day feels a little more like home and I make it work. 1 year in and still loving this country and this people to the best of my good days abilities. As for the bad days.. I have Gilmore Girls, my american friends and brownies to ease the pain...and the world spins madly on...

Me and the innocent 8 year old before I fled the party! 

Wedding number 1 of 2014

In the beginning on February my host sister from my training community got married. This is a little bit crazy because my real sister will be getting married later this year and I have some good friends getting married throughout the year as well... so 2014 has been labeled the year of the wedding!

I had been to a Paraguayan wedding before, but you would have thought you were in america with my host sisters wedding. It was beautiful and was so well put together. I was so impressed and taken back with how much time, money and planning was put into it. It was really so perfect for her and just proved even more that Paraguayans know how to party!

There are lots of traditions that happen at a Paraguayan wedding. Some similar to ours in america but some different.. some were not traditions but a different way of doing things. I had such an amazing time and really felt like a sister to the bride, I can only imagine how I will feel once my real sister gets married in a few shorts months!!! So to begin the breakdown of the weekend-

I arrived friday and we started making the cakes. My host mom baked and decorated the cakes. We finished making the props for the dancing part of the party.. basically everything you would find in a photo booth but we just used to dance and take our own pictures, complete with giant bow ties, real ties flower head bands, hots, glasses and other fun things! Then friday night we went and picked up Sandra's wedding dress. This was dress number 2, hand made in 1 week. ( she didn't like the first one..haha) After we drank some celebratory beers and I had them practice walking down the isle since there was no rehearsal.

Saturday morning we were up by 6:30 with the house full of helpers. We peeled and cooked mandioca, potatoes..chopped carrots and cooked them, finished the cakes and made other deserts. We also made lots of pans or sopa paraguaya ( a cornbread ) All this was done over a fire and we were finished by noon. Then my younger host sister, my host mom and I went to the salon. We were there for 4 hours. We got our hair, makeup, nails and fake eyelashes done. It was so exciting and fun also very cheap only 60 mil GS which is not even $20 USD. I didn't recognize myself after it was all done. I felt like barbie... but it was so fun and I felt like I was in a movie.

Then we went home put of dresses on and headed to the church. I had my dress made by my host mom, she also made her dress and some others. I had never felt so fancy and dressed up in the past year then I did in that one night! The bride arrived to the church by herself in a car all decorated with a bow and flowers. There were very few people at the church, mainly because it started at 8:30 and that was considered early.. people showed up to the party around 10ish... totally ok and culturally accepted here ( remember that). Sandra didn't have bridesmaids but myself, her real sister and her sister-in-law all had on the same color so we called ourselves the bridesmaids. She walked in with her father, had a quick ceremony, signed some papers, said their vows and were married in the church. The vows were the same but in spanish and the priest never said you may kiss the bride... I'm not sure why, but that was different.

Then we headed to the reception. The bride and groom greeted everything that walked in and took a picture with them... this went on for 2 hours while people arrived. Then the judge came and did a civil marriage and they were married by the court. We had appetizers of sopa paraguaya and sausage served by waiters in bow ties. Drinks were served by the liter including coke a cola, fanta and Budweiser and they just kept coming. Then we were served dinner. A plate of really delicious steak, potato salad, bread and mandioca, this was served around 11pm which is actually early then I was expecting. Then they had their first dance and every couple came and joined and had their dance with the bride and groom. After that the mariache band showed up and played for a half hour. Then before the cake was cut all the single girls pick out a string in a bowl and on 3 everyone pulls it out and whoever has a string with the ring on the end is the next to get married. Then Sandra threw the bouquet and I caught it.. mainly because I was the tallest there and just put my hand up.. but now they are planning my wedding for later this year... but I promise that will never happen!

Around 12:30 the band showed up and we were dancing by 1am...which is the normal time for the dancing to begin. This is a Paraguayan thing that I still do not understand a year in... and so we danced 1am - 5am. Yes I was tired and so so hot but it was so much fun. We had silly string, hats and glow sticks! We danced, drank and laughed and it was a blast! Oh and all the little kids, yeah they were up as well..I mean who doesn't love to dance!!!

My family and I got back to the house around 5:30, showered and went to bed till 11:30  Then went over to the newly married couples house.. ate the rest of the food, drank some more, opened all the gifts and relaxed. We were all in bed by 8pm that Sunday night... and I was still tired for the 3 days after.

It sounds like a lot and it was. It was everything I expected and even more! I will never forget that night and the craziness it was...now for the wedding by numbers.. because they were high!

----------------------------------------------------

175 kilos of meat or about 15 cows 

8 cakes 

4 dozen + eggs 

10 kilos of caramel or dulce de leche for the cakes

30 kilos of madioca or 2 huge sacks 

3 trash bags filled of bread rolls

15 kilos of potatoes 

15 pans of corn bread 

XXX amount of beer I couldn't count ( cooled in a swimming pool) 

2 bands 

2 wedding dresses

415 people 

and now for some photos! 

cakes all around! 

After my barbie make over! 

Married!

Inside the reception 

pulling the strings out 

After I caught the bouquet 

The party!

The " Bridesmaids" 

1 Year in Paraguay!

This Saturday February, 8 I will celebrate my one year in Paraguay, 1 whole year!! Wow. Still in awe. Its amazing, exciting and completely incredible. This little victory is something I could talk all day about. The feelings of doubt, discomfort and over all fear that were swelling up inside of me a year ago, I can now laugh at... and that feels so good!

You see a year ago I felt like a little child stepping out into the darkest most unknown place ever. I felt alone, scared and confused. I had so many questions and concerns and doubts, lots of doubts. For  a while once I was in Paraguay I still wanted to be home doing american things. I wanted to give up and turn around. The last thing I wanted was to stick it out, give it a try and watch as my life would be forever impacted. Well I don't know what got into me..maybe a little Paraguayan water, some sun and whole lot of patience but I stuck it out, gave it a try and now am forever changed. Also grateful my mother made me get on that plane, because we all know if she had given me the chance I would have stayed... you go Mom!

So here I am a year in. Its been crazy, wild and at times sad, lonely and frustrating. All the negativity is quickly casted out and I am forever reminded each day of the beauty this country is, the people, the land and the culture. I am happy and I am following what was once just a dream I journaled about. I've learned so much about my self...others and the person I want to be around others. I've learned a new language and can confidently tell stories, teach and converse in that language. I've made a family a few actually that I love dearly. I've learned the value of patience and the beauty of simplicity. I've failed at lots of things but now understand the importance of giving everything a shot.

This last year I have seen more growth in my personal life then all other years in my life. I am excited to keep growing and learning in Paraguay. I am thankful for this year, this celebration and that it is mine and that I did it, I really did it!! So thank you for all your support, love, letters and packages. It has carried me to this little anniversary and I hope you are as thrilled as I am. It's been special and I am cheersing to another year...hey maybe 3, because thats how great this 1 year feels!

Now for a little now and then... 

Then.. when I was crying my eyes out saying good bye to my momma!

Now... Alive and well and really happy! 

Summer Camp

As you know Paraguay is in full summer mode, hot as ever! So what better time to put on a summer camp! It is pretty normal for a group of volunteers to get together and plan out a traveling summer camp. I am so happy that some of my friends got together and we were able to organize this and see it actually happen!

Last Monday 3 volunteers came to my house and we put on a 3 day environment themed camp in my community. The Saturday before the camp I went around with some kids in the community to put up signs and invite people but wasn't sure how many people would show up or if any would even show up... Paraguayans are notorious for saying yes to attending something then completely acting like they know nothing of the event with the day comes. .. kids are a different story. I got a couple of weird looks from kids but the general response was excitement! Its still hard putting on events because my community is so big and I still and will probably never know everyone.

So Monday came and we started with about 8 kids and within the first hour there were about 70. I had a feeling this would happen. Word of month spreads quickly and they just kept coming. My friends and I were a bit overwhelmed...as anyone would be with 70 kids and 4 "adults/ tall and very pale girls from a different country." I think over all it was a success. I got to meet a lot of new kids and they all seemed to enjoy it and kept asking when we were coming back. We had planned to have camp last for 3 hours each day but we quickly learned 2 hours was best and the kids could hardly hold their attention span past the 2 hour mark. We wanted to try and buy as little supplies as possible and focus on recycling and teaching the kids about the environment. So each day there was a little craft / a drawing activity. Here is a quick overview of how each day went.

Monday Day 1- First we started with an ice breaker and a little introduction. Then we made name tags our of recycled cardboard. Next we split up into 2 groups. One group went and played field games. We had different relays and activities with the frisbees, jump ropes and balls. The other group made paper beads out of recycled paper from magazines. In between each group we had a snack break with watermelon and free time. We also gave each kid a little paper booklet where they could color and draw freely. It was so nice watching these kids get so excited to color and draw. They don't often get that opportunity and the fact that the book was theirs to keep! We ran out of drinking water in the first 15 minutes, and I would have to say that is the only thing that really went wrong day 1.

Tuesday Day 2- We started with another ice breaker and played a few group games then split up into 2 groups. The first group had a trash gathering competition and then we taught them about the difference of organic and inorganic trash. After they had time to draw in their books pictures of organic and inorganic trash. The other group did a 3 legged race and the human knot. Oh and we had more watermelon! This day went a little smoother and most all of the kids came back!

Wednesday Day 3- This day we had the kids bring an old plastic soda bottle. We cut off the tops and made planters to plant seeds in them. Each kid got to finger paint their bottle, which they absolutely loved! I'm pretty sure this was a new concept to them because they were so confused when I said to use your fingers..but afterwards loved it! Then we played some ball games, ate watermelon then had a water balloon toss...which they also LOVED. It was a bit of a mess trying to organize them in two lines with a partner, they were all just so excited to get the balloon. This concluded the week and the kids got to take home their name tags and booklets.


It was a good experience, I few details to change for next year but this will defiantly be happening again. It was a bit of a struggle getting the kids to listen. They are not taught the best manners at home and that was reflected at the camp. Kids will be kids where ever you go and that is the same down here in Paraguay. I think they had a good time and were given a chance to do crafts and participate in something they normally don't have. After Wednesday we traveled to my friends house to repeat the camp again with her community. Once Saturday came around I was exhausted. Now we have 1 week off and will be traveling to 2 other communities to do it again next week!

The last day, after the water balloon fight! 

The Holidays and New Year!

Well its been about a month since my last post and I am sorry to have kept you waiting but I was just to busy living the American dream! I mean I went home for the holidays and there is no place like home for the holiday's, ate some delicious food, planned and threw a bridal shower and even played in the snow. It was a good holiday! Really it was so special. I little overwhelming at times but that was to be expected. It came and went so quickly but here is a little reflection on my time at home and how its been since I've been back in Paraguay - the land of the hottest weather ever!

The flight home was long and it didn't help that I was totally anxious. I left my house in Paraguay at 7am and arrived at my house in Maryland at about 1:30am, long day. My first meal was a quesadilla with sour cream in the airport..then I got a Starbucks chai late. I almost forgot how to order it and I was having trouble remembering to talk in english. Literally i was freaked out by all the hello's I was hearing, it had been 10 months ya'll!

I had a great Christmas with my family and felt so loved and taken care of. It was so nice to see everyone even if it was negative degrees outside at some points. I got to spend a lot of time with my sister and do some wedding things I've missed out on over the year. I was also able to help plan, throw and host a bridal shower for her. That was definitely the high light of the trip! My mom helped so much and seriously is super mom when it comes to planning a party or a wedding. People if you are in the market for party planner, Jeanne LaRoque can really do the trick, she's magic!

I also got to see a lot of old friends which was wonderful. I tried to see everyone and I am sorry if we didn't get the chance to meet up! I could have never imagined how busy I ended up being! I guess if you really want to see me you will have to come to Paraguay! A few of my college friends made the trip to spend some time with me and that was also so special. Its crazy how you go from living with a person for 3 years and seeing them every day to only seeing them once a year for a weekend.. shot out to you Lauren Hammond! We went to the zoo and it was fabulous!

I was sure I gained double my weight while I was home with all the delicious fast and easy food I was eating. I mean I forgot how beautiful the mall food court is. You literally have so many options right at your finger tips. I went in for chick-fil-a but wanted everything else, panda express? You have no idea how lucky you are! But when I came back to Paraguay I was told I was skinner and needed to eat more and that they must not feed you good in America... all lies.

So coming back to Paraguay is about the least glamorous thing ever. Not that I expected it to be, but you know world traveling sometimes is glamorous... this trip, no. Leaving Baltimore at 5pm in negative weather then flying overnight to Brazil arriving at 11am in 100 degrees with 90% humidity then to Paraguay where its even hotter...then into a taxi car with no ac straight to my house. I'd lie if I told you I didn't cry a little. I mean yes I love Paraguay and now I'm all better. But the culture shock I was feeling arriving back into country was deep and raw and I wanted to run away. So I did just that. Back to the city I went for the night with some friends to celebrate another volunteers birthday! And its just what I needed to get me back in the groove. After that night I went back to my house and put my self together and its back to reality, or at least my reality for now.

It's hot here, like hottest ever. But it slows you down and has allowed me to really sit down with people and talk about things, teach them things and talk about future projects. I was a little scared I would be miserable but things are working out. I'm back working at the health post, planning a summer camp and lesson plans for school to start again. And in a few weeks I will celebrate 1 year in country and that in itself is a reason to rejoice and be glad!

Paraguay is my home right now, wither somedays I call it that or not. I am content and incredible blessed to call it a home. I am also more blessed have been able to spend in my other home. Now to figure out how to maintain those two homes.... All I know is that I am still happy and enjoying the sunsets each day... even after tasting the flavors of my favorite foods of america and saying goodbye again. I am learning over and over again just how simple and satisfying it is to do without, a lesson I will continually be learning.

Happy New Year and sweet sweet summer time for me! Enjoy these pictures from my trip up until now!

The beautiful soon to be bride at her Bridal Shower! 

The cousins at Christmas! 

Lynchburg' s finest! 

The summer evenings sky in Paraguay 

My greeting crew at the airport! 

                           

The best siblings anyone could have!

Celebrating Jules' Birthday back in Paraguay! 

                       

Two Thousand and Thirteen

I've been thinking about this post for awhile...maybe all year but defiantly in the past few weeks. This is probable the last free night I will have of 2013. I am spending the next few nights with families here in Paraguay and then Monday I will be flying home and hope to be with family and friends every night! Such a sweet sweet thought.

So I can honestly say this year went by the fastest in all my 23 years of life. I knew 2013 was going to be a big one, just wasn't sure how big. I guess I can thank Paraguay for making this year the best for so many reasons. I wanted to take some time to reflect on what this year was for me, because it was such a big one! So here are the top 10 things that have made 2013 big, fun and very very special.

Number 1. My one and only sister  got engaged and that started the year out perfectly!
2. I got on an airplane with 22 strangers to Paraguay and started a little life for myself
3. I learned how to speak and understand confidently a new language and can even crack some jokes!
4. Adapted to one of the most different cultures I could have encountered while questioning it daily I kept with it and am so happy I did.
5. Was adopted by a family who I am literally in love with, like they were my own.
6. Moved into my own house, on my own. And in that same house live my life daily and happily!
7. Have created friendships that have changed the way I look at life and how I live my life.
8. Found somewhat of an identity in Paraguay and looking forward to what that will look like in the future.
9. Have spent more of 2013 in another county then in the USA!
10. And all of this was down while still feeling so connected with all my loved ones from home in America! Never doubting me and always cheering me on!


So theres my reflection on the past year, I know there are so many more but those are what come to mind right now. For me this has been a year of growth and independence unlike anything I could have imagined. I hope for you as well that this year meant something big for you. As for 2014 I am ready for something bigger and looking forward to whatever that maybe!

As for Paraguay right now- I am sweating out the hot summer days, drinking lots of ice water and trying to stay cool. School is out and I've had some girls over to work on christmas art crafts. A lot of stuff has gone on hold and I am waiting till the new year to pick it up. I also received my mentees ( future peace corps volunteers) who will be arriving at the end of January. I will be in contact with them to share all the secrets of peace corps volunteers.. haha!

Wishing all of you a happy happy Christmas and a joyful New Year!! Sending all my love!

My First Birthday in Paraguay!

Last week I turned 23... now there really isn't anything special about 23, its not like there's a Taylor Swift song called 23! But what was special about this birthday was that it was my first one in Paraguay!

Birthday's in Paraguay are a big deal. I've been to my fair share of Birthday celebrations and have heard from other volunteers what a birthday in Paraguay can consist of. I love my Birthday so I was excited to celebrate it although it was very very different then a Birthday in the states. But i'm not in the states so different is good just another culture difference.

So in Paraguay when it's your birthday you invite who you want ( be warned everyone you have ever talked to will want to be invited to your party) and you buy everything and make everything...its not like oh hey its your birthday we wanna throw you a party and make your cake and do everything...its more like...Oh its your birthday, invite me, buy all the food and drink, make all the food, and then clean it all up... yay! Happy Birthday!!!

You think i'm kidding, i'm not. As stressed as this made me I went ahead with it and it all turned out so special. See I am constantly being taken care of by my host families here and my friends. They are always inviting me to eat with them, stay with them and basically be their daughter and they never let me pay or take care of them. But my birthday was a chance to do it all for them, an excuse to get into my kitchen and serve them. And if you know me you know I love hosting people, cooking and celebrating my birthday. So although it was a little different then America it was so special!

So what did I do you ask?? First, I had my very first host family over for lunch. They have hosted 9 volunteers and have never been able to go visit them at their house and I was the first! They loved seeing where I live, work and spend all my time. I bought a bunch a meat and made some salads and we had such a nice time. Normally my host mom is cooking and preparing everything but this time I was able to show off a little and I think they were impressed! Also my friend Alex who is a volunteer came over and joined us!

Then I tried to rest but people kept stopping by to wish me Happy Birthday and eat cake, I had a total of 4 cakes on my birthday... which I hope to never repeat. Then later that night we went to my other host families house who I spend almost every night with had another cookout. I bought a bunch of chicken and we had some salads and sausage and my favorite Paraguayan corn bread dish... it was delicious....

I had such a wonderful day and although I was away from my family in America I never felt sad because I was able to spend it with such wonderful people down here that I consider my family down here! Here are a few photos from the day!! And heads up American I'll be home in 16 dayss!!!