Heavy

This is a hard post, a lot of not so great things have happened this past week. I debated for a while about writing this...thinking it was too personal, would sound depressing and be too heavy. But then I realized a few things- my service is personal and yes, sometimes depressing and its real life down here too and that means heavy things do happen. So up until now this blog has been pretty mild with the occasional frustrations that come with living in a new culture but some real things happened that are affecting me and the community around me so if I'm being truthful in the purpose of this blog to inform you of the good, the bad and the ugly... here it is...

This is a picture of Mary. 

Cellphones. One of the first facts I read about Paraguay before coming here was that they have more cellphones then people...I had trouble believing this until I arrived. Pretty much everyone has a cellphone by age 14...and maybe even 2 cellphones. Yes people love their cell phones and they save all their money to get the nicest ones...and then they risk it being stolen every time they are on a bus...literally I know sometime about once a week who gets a phone stolen on a bus, sucks but you get over it... well this next story is a bit different and I'm having trouble getting over it.

I've been in shock, my thoughts are as follows- omg no this isn't real...over a cell phone...your kidding.. come on paraguay... and then the did I translate this right? yup, its still real...why her?

Today I went to the health post, there wasn't really any work to be done, but we all gathered just to be together. We shared photos we have of Mary...I think everyone was at a loss of words and just wanted to be together. I am starting to let go of all the voices that scream inside of me when there is silence, I've never been good at silence, ever. Here it is silent all the time and when that voice screams inside of me now I can handle it and tell it to just be silent.

This is a picture of Mary and I with another nurse
 giving a sex ed talk in the school. 

We do believe Mary will survive this and recover...in due time. Until then I am freaked out. With this accident and my last post about my friend dying last week my heart is heavy. I don't think I expected to feel so strongly for the people of paraguay but each one has become dear to my heart. With all of this all I can think about is how completely independent I have become... like I have to pick the pieces up, I have to walk myself home, make my dinner, tuck myself in and yes, I know I am 22 pushing 23 but some times you just want your Momma to love you and do those things for you. Since being here I am me, if I want it I go get it, I make it and i fix it. Thats the reality I am dealing with right now, as rewarding as it can be I some times feel stuck and very alone.

But I'm working with it, picking up the pieces, finding my silver linings and thanking the sweet Lord for his many blessings...being reminded that he gives and he takes away. Not to worry I am holding things down here and am very much supported by my friends and family of Paraguay. But please do keep sweet Mary in your prayers she continues to heal and recover.


On a different note- 
The Government Shutdown is making its presence known in Paraguay... the United States are never too far away and as of right now not to United as it seems. We have had trainings cancelled and other projects postponed. Here's the gist- Peace Corps reasons that sending the volunteers home would cost more then keeping them in sites, so they won't be sending us home. Given that they are keeping us in sites, they conclude that pretty much all staff is essential because we are dependent upon them for our safety and security. They will also continue paying us because we have no other source of income. We also cannot be furloughed because we are not actually employees and the money we are paid is not technically a salary.

To read more click here

So October hasn't been the best of months for you in the states or me down here... I'm picking up my pieces and marching on. Mary and I were supposed to start some projects this month but that will not be happening so I am taking this time to re-evaluate what to plan for the new year and continue with my kids club, which is going really well. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to hop on that plane tomorrow and jet set into the 410 NapTown but then I'm slapped by reality and will wait till december! Waiting, something I'm becoming so good at, as mentioned previously.

Hope all is well with your soul.