Last week

Disclaimer: I have been moved out of my house and community for 3 weeks now and I am just getting around to posting this blog. I have been writing it for a month now and although I think I will technically writing this blog for the rest of my life here is a bit of what I was thinking 3 weeks ago.

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There are so many things I'm thinking about. My 2 years of peace corps service in my community has come to a close. I've done so much to get to this week, this day. I am certain it has all been worth it and now to just find peace in getting to this point. I am almost speechless expect for a few thoughts. As I try to find the best way to navigate my thoughts, it just feels appropriate to right some down here.

 I think about my first bus ride to site with a million bags hanging from my neck and back and taking the wrong bus and getting significantly lost upon arriving to site. I also think about that same night in my house crying my self to sleep in pain with dengue fever. Then I think about conquering that and WOW. I think about early mornings drinking yerba mate or tea on my porch listening to the world wake up around me. I think about all the walks to my host families house at all hours of the day. I think about my community and the kids and their smiles. I think about buying fresh eggs from my neighbor when ever I wanted them.

 I think about all the terere I've shared with my health post and any other person in my community. I think about all the hours spent waiting for my bus, the 52 and the joy that springs up in my soul when I see it coming around the bend. I think about the stars and the moon rising every night behind my house. I think about those cool evenings when the south wind was blowing in and I put a scarf on.

 I think about the change in seasons and the different fruit my yard always provided me. The bitter sweet passion fruit and the heavenly mangos and unlimited amount of grapefruit.  I think about all the delicious meals prepared in my 1 single skillet and hot plate. 

I think about those really hard days and nights when I just didn't understand what was happening or what the next day would look like. I think about those really wonderful days where nothing could have been better and I could almost skip from place to place. I think about Valentina and how perfectly she fits into my arms. I think about my hammock and watching the birds dance and sing around my yard. I think about all the visitors I've had in my house and all the meals and laughs  we shared. 

I think about going to my school and seeing all the kids running around smiling with pure joy and excitement. I think about those same kids and the innocence that encompasses their souls. I think about the poverty around me and the little effect I have on it. I think about the perseverance  that I held on to so tightly these last 2 years.  I think about all the human potential that has been celebrated and the small changes I have seen in myself and the people around me. 

 I think about how I will now only be a visitor in this little place that represents so much for me, more then I could begin to think about or write about at this moment. 

Note cards

Over 2 years ago I had a going away party before I came to Paraguay. At that party I had the guest write me letters and notes that I would open and read over the next 2 years. It was a weird idea at first but I had seen someone do something similar and it sounded neat. I knew there would be some days were I needed to open a card and hear from a family member or a friend. I sure was right. I opened those cards almost every month. Sometimes I’d open a bunch at the same time if it was one of “those days” others had dates on them on when to open them. It was fun having some snail mail already here with me. 

Its hard to explain how much joy, happiness and contentment these cards have bought me over these 2 years. I have cherished each one of them and have safely kept each one. Today I opened the last few and each one still surprises me. Some of these people I haven’t spoken with since that party and yet I read their note and feel so close to them. I thought it would be special to share a few on my blog. I thought maybe my readers would enjoy seeing some of the encouraging, loving and inspiring messages that kept my head up, heart open and mind focused these last 2 years. Enjoy!! 

Extending and Change

The blog continues! A volunteers Peace Corps service is normally 2 years. My 2 years of service finishes on April 17. That is 1 month from today. But as you might have gathered I rarely do things “normally” and therefore am extending my service for 1 more year. I have accepted a position as a volunteer programming coordinator. I will be moving to the capitol city of Asuncion and beginning my new position in May. I will be working in the head quarters office of Peace Corps with other americans and paraguayans. It will be a completely different kind of work and I am ready for that. I will have office hours and will be working on the computer and doing a lot of technical work with the Assistant Director of Peace Corps. It will be a change but change is good. 

Change. One of my most fearful words. I love change and know that it is a good and a healthy thing in the cycle of life but that doesn’t mean it comes easily. Lately I’ve been freaking out slightly. I am going to have to move to a new city, find a new apartment, say good bye to some close friends, start a new job and the list could go on. Its all change and a transition. I am writing this blog post because it feels good to sit down and write it all out, try and make sense of how I’m feeling, where this is all coming from and what does it all mean. 

When I start to freak out a little bit after thinking of all the change I start to doubt. I doubt why I’m staying and not just ending this now and going home. I start to think I am making a HUGE mistake causing a huge problem. I question everything, who I am, where I’ve been, what I’ve done and it makes my head hurt a lot and sometimes makes me cry. It’s pretty annoying all these doubts over one 6 letter word -- change. Then something happens and suddenly my doubts and problems are small and are almost irrelevant. 

A boy no more then 8 years old wonders the streets celling mixed CD’s. I’ve seen him all over my town, usually in the same dirty worn out clothes with flip flops either too big or too small asking anyone that will look at him to buy a CD so maybe he can eat that day. Then I see a man siting on the sidewalk in only an old dirty pair of shorts and watches groups of people go purchase burgers and hot dogs and beer and coke while he sits hungry and alone. There is also a women with 3 kids all in baggy shirts and rags of clothes that sits at the stop light waiting for cars to stop so she can ask for money, or anything to help feed her family. 

I could continue but I think you understand. My inner doubts and fears of change and life and whats next are so tiny to the bigger problems that I face each day in Paraguay or in the world. I have recently been challenging myself to be more aware of the problems around me and in this world and not get caught up in my world and my problems at the moment. To have more compassion for those around me. And it is not easy, its hard and difficult, scary and very sad. 

But it has helped me not doubt so much and question so much and just live with whats happening around me. I am staying in Paraguay for another year for many reasons, some that become clearer each day and others that I have yet to figure out. One of them I am sure of is to continue helping people around me live better lives. I believe with all my being that helping people however you do it in any form or fashion is one of the greatest services we can do during a life time. 

So if that means inviting that little boy to a meal and giving him some clothes, thats what we can do. Or buying that man a hotdog and giving that mother some change or some food, we must do it. We will never be able to fix all of the worlds problems but we can start in our neighborhoods with our neighbors doing a little bit at a time with the means that is available. And stop doubting and obsessing over our problems and transitions because they honestly are going to work out just fine with time. Everything can be fine with a little bit of time. 

CAMPPPP

I apologize for my absence recently. After camp finished I took some much needed down time and have found it harder to get back to the blog. But here I am, I’ve come down with some type of bug and can’t seem to get out of my bed. So I figured between watching the entire 6th season of gossip girl I could take a break and blog a bit about camp. Also the rain flooded my house TWICE yesterday and I'm taking a little bit of a break from being inside my house.. I am currently at a friends house with what feels like high speed internet but really its just 3G. Oh paraguay. 

It was a whirlwind, but it was everything we planned and hopped for. Kids came, it was a smaller number then we anticipated but we are a newer camp to Paraguay and I was happy to even have kids show up. They learned a lot and were so receptive of the information we shared. They opened up with each other and were able to discuss topics  that some of them have never talked about before. We danced and sang a lot. Whats camp with out that? There was pool time and even a camp fire complete with s’mores. 

Each day started with a question relating to Sound Mind and Body and at the end of the day the campers had time to journal and reflect on that same question. We had different exercises each morning and practiced healthy stress relievers. We had speakers from the capitol come talk and share about domestic violence, gender in the media, nutrition, mental health, stigma and HIV. Also with in the Peace Corps volunteers that were present at the camp we spoke out about gender roles, values, body image, self esteem and self respect. 

These campers were exposed to a lot of topics and for some it was their very first time. With a smaller number of campers in attendance we all felt really close at the end of camp and I could see the change in the campers. I was confident that we were sending leaders back into their communities ready to stand up for their values and make a difference. 

Thank you so much to everyone that supported this camp. I plan on sending out individual thank you’s once I get state side. But for now thank you so much. This camp would have never been such a success without your support. Please enjoy some pictures below from our week at camp. 

Camp Update!

We are fully funded!! Thank you to everyone that donated during the Holiday season! I was so overwhelmed with the generosity of others and the support I received from family and friends. I really feel like you are all a part of this camp and are invested like I am. I wish you could all be a part of the planning and preparations because there is SO MUCH TO DO.

I have been passing my summer days in planning meetings and hiding behind my computer screen searching for the best internet signal to send emails. We have been working hard developing this camp and the campers will arrive next Monday, that is so soon! I wanted to give you all an updated and let you know I am alive and well just busy with camp stuff. Our participant list is growing by the day and we are preparing for an awesome week. I will be sure to post a complete debrief on how camp went next week and also let you know of some other very exciting news!

Besides planning for camp I attended my Close of Service conference last week with the whole group that I came to Paraguay with. I have also been spending a lot of time with fellow volunteers as our time together is fading. Other then that I have been hiding anywhere there is AC. The days are hot here and I try and escape them however I can. Wishing you all the best where ever you are in this beautiful world. Now time to work out some more camp details ! I can't wait to share the week with you!!

Two thousand and fifteen

The year that I could never imagined would arrive.. or at least as quickly as it did. The year that seemed impossible and yet it is here. The year I longed for and equally dreaded. Two years ago I was toasting to friends and family and 2 years of Peace Corps service from the kitchen of my aunt and uncles house. I was surrounded by  the people I love and care for most at home and who were next to me supporting this new adventure of mine, it was my going away party. I remember explaining to people that I would be serving in the Peace Corps from February 2013- April 2015. I also remember so clearly how foreign the year 2015 looked, it might as well said year 2099- thats how crazy it appeared. 

These past two years and especially this last year have meant so much for me. In 2014 I lived a whole year abroad in another country, completed 1 year of service, spoke more spanish words consecutively then my native language, stood next to my sister as she married the love of her life, planted 400 trees, toured a natural wonder of the world, danced till the sun came up, crossed borders, helped build a house, translated for 18 canadians, perfected my cinnamon bun recipe and loved a lot. 2014 was a year to remember. I was the happiest I’ve been in a while and felt more alive then ever before. I could have never prepared myself for the amount of fun, adventure and pure excitement that was shared in 2014. 

This morning when I was trying to meditate and reflect on 2014 and the best memories, moments and what have you’s... I kept getting stuck, because 2014 was the best. It was the best of everything. I cannot pick just one moment or memory, it was all so incredible, full of life and love and most importantly happiness. My hope for 2015 is to be better then 2014, if thats possible. Thats scary because I don’t know what my next adventure is or where I will be in 2015 or what I will be doing. But after having the best year in 2014 I know one thing about 2015 it can only get better. 

I hope that for all of you too. To believe in the new year, new things, new adventures and better things. I truly believe things get better with time and we are always changing and change gives us a chance for something better. So here’s to 2014 for being the best yet and for 2015- you have some major shoes to fill but I cannot wait! I am ready for new adventures, new friends, new experiences and the celebration of another year lived in this beautiful world. 

Feliz Navidad and a very Merry Christmas

Since I will not be home for the holidays...sigh... I figured I'd share some holiday cheer and wish all my readers, family and friends a BIG electronic Happy Christmas!!! I will be in Paraguay for Christmas celebrating a bit differently but I have been invited to spend it with the sweetest family and I could not be more excited! Traditions are a different here but thats ok because so is the weather. As much as I miss the christmas spirit and this season in the United States... its a bit difficult to imagine curling up next to the fire with a hot chocolate watching my favorite christmas movies.. only because it feels kind of like a fire here in Paraguay, all the time. No hot chocolate, just lots of ice water and terere. And i'd rather curl up in the air condition...


Here is a small list of a few things that I have noticed during the christmas season in Paraguay, in no particular order;

- Almost every family has a nativity seen somewhere in their yard or in their house, they decorate it with lights and tinsel and wait till the 25th to put baby Jesus in it. Also the little house that you put the nativity characters in can be bought all along the highways of Paraguay. They are made out of grasses and different natural resources found around Paraguay.

- Sweet bread is the fruit cake of Paraguay, it is filled with dry fruits and nuts and you can buy it anywhere and everywhere... And like fruit cake I don't like it...

-Instead of buying a christmas tree to put somewhere in the house, we usually just decorate one that is already in the yard. Why spend money buying a tree when you can just decorate one of the 25 you have in your yard??

- Its hottttt. There is absolutely no snow falling from the sky, but it is mango season and there are lots of mangos falling from the sky... and sometimes they have the same effect...I can get really excited for mangos!

- Christmas eve is all about family. You visit both sides of your family during the night and its a big party at midnight.. so I've heard. I will report back after with full details. That night is actually called noche buena which means good night.

- Christmas day is also spent with family, relaxing or parting, depending on the family. I will hopefully be in the swimming pool relaxing and thinking about how chilly it is in the states and how i'm in a swimming poolllll!

- There is no eggnog but there is a wine drink called Clerico, which is wine mixed with juice or coke and all the ripe fruits of the season, pineapple, grapes and mangos. Its really sweet and really delicious, best served on ice.

- FIREWORKS. For the past week and leading up to the new year.. there are constant fireworks. The big explosive kind, sparklers and the little poppers the kids love! I am getting a little sick of hearing fireworks explode all through the night.

- Presents.. You really don't buy gifts, at least I haven't noticed that happening. There are lots of Christmas baskets you can buy at the grocery store that are filled with food and drinks and those are gifted a lot to families. But presents like we do in the states so far, I have not seen.

That is all I can think about right now. So far spending Christmas is Paraguay has been good. I did have an emotional break down in the grocery store when I'll be home fore Christmas came on.. but I recovered, bought christmas decorations and decorated a tree in my front yard. I really miss my family and the spirit that Christmas is but I am enjoying the new experiences that Paraguay is giving me during this holiday season.

Wishing you all the joy and happiness this season brings where ever you are in this universe, it is the season for bliss and I hope you find that this Christmas! Happy Holidays!!

Me and my Christmas tree in my front yard.